


His Night Off

by UpstartCrow42



Series: WWDITS: What We Create in October 2020 [2]
Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Dolls, Gen, Goats, Halloween, M/M, Pining, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill, Regular Human Drink, Secrets, UNHOLY, WWC2020, What We Create in October, Witches, nandor is a himbo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:02:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27276952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UpstartCrow42/pseuds/UpstartCrow42
Summary: Guillermo decides to go to a local Halloween carnival on his one night off. He thinks he'll just get to spend some quality time alone, but Nandor has other plans. What happens when you take a vampire into a human created haunted house?
Series: WWDITS: What We Create in October 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954861
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	His Night Off

**Author's Note:**

  * For [andyandnormski](https://archiveofourown.org/users/andyandnormski/gifts).



> Thanks so much to Noxie_Moon for beta reading this for me.
> 
> This is for andyandnormski who gave me the idea.
> 
> This is part of the What We Create in October Challenge. It covers the following days (some better than others):  
> 3\. Witch  
> 7\. Doll  
> 8\. Unholy  
> 21\. Goat  
> 25\. Secrets (if you squint)  
> 28\. Regular Human Drink  
> 31\. Halloween (well a Halloween Carnival)

Guillermo was looking forward to a nice night off. It was a cool autumn Thursday and Halloween was just around the corner.

Nandor had insisted that his familiar’s night off once per week not be on the important days in his master’s calendar. Friday of course was a big party time for his master. If by party, one meant putting on his best cape and skulking about the park.

Saturday and Sunday had that excuse too.

Mondays were the start of the week, and “You can’t miss work on a Monday, Guillermo, otherwise you’ll have nothing to complain about at the water cooler with all those random Joes and Janes.” Guillermo wasn’t sure where Nandor got that idea from, but he had a feeling Colin Robinson was to blame.

Tuesdays Guillermo was needed because that was when Laszlo and Nadja liked to throw their Totally Tubular Teutonic Tune Fest. He didn’t understand what the big deal was since it was an event in the house attended by Nandor, himself, and Colin Robinson. Neither Nadja nor Laszlo wanted Guillermo to lay even a pinky on their precious instruments, so he wasn’t sure what his role was in all of this. The weekly “jam seshs” as Colin liked to call them were almost unbearable, but a site better than the compulsory harpsichord concerts Laszlo had tried out last summer.

Wednesdays were no good for a day off because…well, they just weren’t and Nandor wouldn’t really explain why.

So Thursdays it was.

Guillermo had noticed that a little fall carnival had popped up near the church on 7 th Street. There was a cute little corn maze, a pumpkin patch, hayrides, a haunted house, and other little carnival sundries. It seemed like it would be a nice, quiet escape and wholly uninteresting to anyone else in the household.

The haunted house was the most intriguing part to Guillermo. It had been since high school since he and Jeremy had been to one together. Both of them trying to act all cool, but being secretly scared. Holding hands for the briefest of moments before their hands flew apart, playing it off on the adrenaline. That was back when Guillermo had just hoped and wished and prayed that vampires were even real. 

He smiled at the memory of his more innocent days and decided it would be fun to just enjoy a night on his own, looking at what the normies thought was frightening. Guillermo had experienced so much horror and violence in his last 11 years with the vampires that this would be like a day at church.

He also suspected that this environment might be a feeding ground for blood suckers, so he made sure to pack some stakes beneath his sweater. Just in case.

Before departing, Guillermo checked himself in the mirror. He may be going out alone, but he was going to look fine doing it. Once he had made sure his curls were sorted, his glasses clean, and his lapels flat, he headed toward the door.

“Just where do you think you are going on this night, Guillermo?” He halted in his tracks at the sound of Nandor’s booming voice echoing from the library.

“I’m going out.” Guillermo said, sighing. He backed up to the entrance of the library to see all the vampires sitting and engaged in various tasks.

“But don’t you have some familiaring to do? As my familiar. You are still my familiar, yes?” Nandor said, not looking up from his book.

“Yes, master, I am still your familiar,” he paused for a moment, mustering up the nerve to speak up, “but I am also going out.”

“But what about washing all the walls like I asked you to? They’re very sticky and I don’t want to say who made them that way.” He said that last bit more to himself.

“You asshole, you know I have trouble controlling my stream when my good lady arouses my interest.” Laszlo said, putting down the paper he had in his hands.

“It is true, Laszlo’s seed is an impressive one. It’s why the witches want him so bad.” Nadja offered, not looking away from her skull polishing.

“It’s not hygienic. If you’re going to come, please come inside a jar for Guillermo’s little business if you are not going to come in a bum, mouth, or muff.” Nandor said.

“And I’m leaving.” Guillermo rushed out the door and let the cool night air calm the nerves that had recently been frayed by the vampires.

Before he could get past the porch, a chilly mist encircled him. With a pop Nandor materialized in front of him.

“I was not finished talking to you, Guillermo. Pretty rude of you to just leave.”

“Well, it is my night off.” Guillermo said for the thousandth time.

“Is it really? I thought it was Wednesday. It was just yesterday that Laszlo and Nadja played all those delightful diddies from the Wiemar Republic.

“Nope, that was two days ago. It’s Thursday.” He didn’t have the energy to say that the concert was anything but delightful.

Nandor looked like he was trying to solve complex Calculus with a Fisher Price phone. 

“Well, I still need to know where you are going.” He crossed his arms and tapped his foot expectantly.

“And why do you need to know?”

Nandor tried to start several sentences but faltered with each one. “I. . .

“Well. . .”

“You see. . .”

“It’s just. . .”

“I am your boss and I need to know where you are going on your day off.” He looked triumphant as if he had landed the sickest of burns.

“That’s not how it works. It’s my day off, not a break, Master. I’m free to do what I want with my time.”

“Well, I don’t see why you need to leave the house when I got you all those snacks from the VCS and that new little game with all the cute little animals on it.”

Guillermo’s blood pressure was rising at each obtuse comment his master made.

“You mean that bag of ice and the _Animal Crossing_ Game. The one you keep stealing to play?”

“Well, I am trying to get all the horsies on my island but they keep leaving me!” Nandor wailed.

Guillermo could feel a headache coming on as Nandor totally ignored the fact that a bag of ice was not a snack. Again. 

“Okay, well, this has been fun, I’m going to the carnival now. See, now you know where I will be so could you just leave me be?”

“A carnival you say?” Nandor’s face lit up. “Will there be pony rides and games?”

Stupid, Guillermo thought. Why did he have to open his big fat mouth? “I guess,” he shrugged, “or at least a petting zoo.”

“Will there be any goats there?” Nandor’s midnight black eyes practically glittered in the full moon light.

Guillermo sighed and resigned himself to not spending the evening alone. “Master, would you like to come to the carnival with me?”

“I mean, if you insist.” Nandor said, his face brightening. “Lead the way, Guillermo!”

Guillermo still didn’t quite trust Nandor to fly him places after the incident with the food truck, so they took the bus. Even though it was Staten Island, it was still New York, and people ignored the Six-foot-one, dark eyed, pale faced, warlord with the anachronistic clothing and speech patterns.

And at the Halloween Carnival, with all the people dressed in their Halloween finest, Nandor wasn’t out of place at all.

“Maybe we should enter you into the costume contest, Master.” Guillermo grinned.

Nandor’s face soured, “Guillermo, you think this is a costume? These are the clothes of a noble and important man. Do people just go around pretending to be kings and queens and for what, a little sweet treat from those colorful donkeys? Hello Mr. Colorful Donkey, I am a big strong monarch, please let me have some of your poop candies please?” he intoned the last bit like a petulant child.

Guillermo tried to interject, but Nandor was on a roll.

“Do people go around dressing up as sad little familiars, Guillermo. Do you see your clothing in a little package at the Party Cities next to the blood fountains and jade buttock eggs? A little sultry sweater and a pair of boring beige trousers. Hmm, is that funny to you, that people think you are a costume.”

Guillermo just let Nandor rant, letting the ire wash over him and to the back of his mind. Ha, a familiar costume. Such an absurd concept that only a seven and a half centuries old vampire could come up with it.

Guillermo was brought back to reality when Nandor’s pointed finger practically poked him in the face.

“Are you even listening to me, Guillermo? I have commanded you to do my dark bidding and I will not be disrespected in front of this congregation of goats at the petting zoo.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that master. I don’t do dark bidding on Thursdays. You’ll have to put in your request Friday at sundown.” Guillermo said before walking up to the vendor to buy some feed for the little animals. “And it’s a flock of goats, not a congregation.”

Nandor grimaced as he took to Guillermo’s side. “Are you going to feed these animals little dried poops? Is that what these majestic creatures are forced to endure?” he said as one goat peed on a small child’s leg and another tried to mount a statue.

“They’re just food pellets, Master.”

“Well, it is not very nutritious for them to eat little brown, round balls.” Nandor huffed.

“Do you want to feed them some?” Guillermo offered the bag to Nandor.

He got that starry-eyed look again, “Please!” he said, grabbing a fistful and calling, “Here, here, little goats. Take this sad food from my hand.”

Nandor was a little too relentless with the feed and they ran out of food quickly. Guillermo thought better than to buy more, otherwise they’d be here until sunrise. Instead they headed to the pumpkin patch. A nearby vendor was selling cider and hot chocolate.

“It’s a little chilly out, maybe you want one of those hot human liquids to put in your mouth and help warm you up?” Nandor said a little too loudly.

“Please don’t say it like that.” Guillermo grimaced.

“What? What did I say wrong? It’s true. The liquids are hot and they are  _ from _ humans  _ for _ humans. I don’t like you correcting my phrasing, Guillermo. I have been speaking the English longer than you’ve been alive.”

Guillermo just walked away and bought himself a cider. Those were usually better than the hot chocolates at these places. He had chosen well, there was a nice spicy note at the top with a subtle orange tinge mixed in that really stood out in the after taste.

“Do you think that beverage is pleasing to you?” Nandor asked.

“It’s fine, sure.” Guillermo shrugged.

“Well, what are we going to do next? We saw the little goat boys and girls. We got a drink. Is there a carnival food you would be liking to partake in?”

Without thinking, he said, “I could go for a steak on a stick!”

Nandor winced, hissed, and backed away. His fangs were bared and his eyes glowed yellow.

Right. Nandor didn’t know homophones. “Not that kind, the kind from cows.”

Nandor’s eyes morphed back to black and his face softened. “Oh, well, that is certainly better than the vampire killing kind and I guess better than the kind from horses.”

Guillermo didn’t want to find out what Nandor meant by that and found a steak on a stick vendor. Once the meal was procured, he found a nice bench to sit on. He nibbled on the spicy sirloin while Nandor sat next to him quietly.

Nandor was tapping his foot and patting his thighs while Guillermo ate his food. “You have now procured a strong beverage and stick meat!” Nandor declared for the whole town to hear. “What do you want to do next? I do see some pony, camel, and elephant rides.” The vampire pointed to the distant attraction.

“I don’t know. Seems like they’d be just for-“ but his master cut him off.

“Well I think it sounds nice. And I have never ridden a camel before.”

Before Guillermo could make his point, Nandor dashed off to go ride a camel, yelling for Guillermo to follow him. By the time Guillermo could catch up to him, Nandor was in line bouncing on his feet.

“What took you so long?”

“Master, I don’t think-”

Nandor’s dreams were crushed by the attendant. As Guillermo had tried to tell him, the rides were only for children under the age of 12. The vampire tried to insist he was under that age, but no one believed him given his height, his full beard, and his general appearance. What modern twelve year old wore gold brocade vests and capes?  


His arms were crossed and his face down in a petulant pout, “This carnival is rude and dumb, Guillermo. I wanted to ride the camel.”

“Well, you can’t always get what you want.” Guillermo shrugged, tossing his trash in a nearby bin.

“But I am a powerful vampire. I always get what I want!” Nandor whined.

Guillermo decided not to respond to that either. They walked around in silence for a while searching for another attraction to attend.

“Ooh, why don’t we go check out the haunted house.” Guillermo said. It had been what drew him to this carnival in the first place. Maybe he and his master could accidentally hold hands while roaming from room to room.

“Oh, I don’t know, Guillermo. You might be too scared. You will definitely need me, a big strong vampire to protect you.”

“Sure,” Guillermo grinned. “Whatever you say, Master.”

They procured two tickets and entered the makeshift maze.

The lights were low in the first room, synthetic warm candlelight bathing the corners in gold tinged shadows. It kind of reminded Guillermo of an artificial version of the mansion. A spooky soundtrack blared from the busted speakers. A ghost’s gasp, a woman’s wail, a specter’s shriek interspersed with whooshing winds, cracking branches, and creaking floorboards.

“This is what the humans think is scary these days.” Nandor whispered into Guillermo’s ear as they passed a shuffling zombie. Except it was Nandor, so it was more of a stage whisper.

Guillermo just kept his mouth shut, hoping Nandor would follow in kind.

“This is not scary at all-“ it started as a whine and then morphed into a yelp as a witch popped out from behind the bend. Her face was a putrid puce mottled with purple pustules. Her cackle echoed through the hall, which was aglow in luminescent black lighting.

As her voice enveloped them, piercing their eardrums with it’s shrill tone, Nandor’s hand thrust itself into Guillermo’s. His grip was tight, like a nut stuck in a vice.

Once they were out of earshot, the tinnitus whine dying down and their hearing returning to normal, Guillermo said, “Nandor, you can let go now.” He tried to pull his hand out of the tight embrace.

“I’m doing this to protect you. Keep you safe. It’s very dark in here and your human eyes are very weak. I don’t want you to get lost or separated from me.” Nandor’s voice oozed confidence tinged with cowardice.

Guillermo just shrugged and they continued on. Nandor yelped at every ghoul, ghost, and ghastly figure they encountered as the rooms began to grow more dark, dim, and dank. A low fog began to creep in at the halfway mark and if Guillermo didn’t know better the rooms felt like they were getting progressively cooler with each passing moment. 

Before he knew it, Guillermo was wrapped up in Nandor’s cape, one hand around his chest, Nandor leading them and ducking behind Guillermo for protection.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Master?”

Nandor growled, “I am protecting you.”

The next room contained a bunch of porcelain dolls encased in glass. They were various states of disrepair: cracked faces, missing eyes, fallen limbs. Some of their eyes blinked in an uncontrolled manner as if the mechanisms that powered that feature had long since ceased their primary function. Those same defective eyes followed the patrons as they moved across the room to the exit.

Guillermo felt Nandor ease up on him, the pressure of his arm against his chest lightening a bit.

“What is this shit?” He stepped aside to stand next to Guillermo, still holding the human’s warm hand within his cold one. “Dollies are not scary.”

“You’ve never talked to Nadja’s doll, have you?” Guillermo said to himself.

Nandor turned to look at the man. “What about Nadja’s doll?”

Guillermo shook his head. “Nothing.”

Suddenly every doll in the room’s eyes opened to their full ability and began to glow an otherworldly green. Their mouths popped open one by one and they sang a repetitive tune in Latin. Nandor seemed to be physically pained by their cacophonous chorus. He wrenched his hand from Guillermo’s to cover his ears.

Guillermo grabbed his master by the shoulders and escorted Nandor out of earshot. The vampire doubled over only a foot away from the room’s exit and Guillermo had to force Nandor to move the rest of the way, clutching his ears and asking for the dolls to stop signing. 

Once out of earshot he asked, “Are you going to be okay?” The concern in Guillermo’s voice was genuine now.

“I’ll be fine, Guillermo.” Nandor’s voice was rough.

“Are you sure?”

Nandor looked up and just glared at the man.

Guillermo took that as the universal sign to hush and let Nandor take his time getting acclimated to his surroundings.  The hallway outside the creepy doll room was a nice reprieve from Nandor’s constant hovering and stranglehold on Guillermo. Slowly but surely, Nandor rose to his full looming height.

“See, I am O-Akay,” he smiled.

Just as he was enjoying this small moment to breathe, Guillermo heard the familiar revving of a chainsaw. He and Nandor whipped their heads around to see a figure masked in white, chainsaw lifted above his head, giving chase. Nandor let out an ear-piercing screech, lifted Guillermo into his arms, and ran down the hall babbling incoherently.

The cool night air slapped Guillermo in the face as Nandor busted out the exit, slamming his shoulder against the door to open it and then slamming it closed with his back to make sure the chainsaw man couldn’t get them.

Both man and vampire took several breaths, some needed and some unneeded. Nandor cradled Guillermo in his arms as their breaths went from ragged to steady. Guillermo’s heart stayed at the same rapid, racing pulse despite the adrenaline wearing off already. They looked like quite the picture.

“We could have been killed in there!” Nandor groused. “Those dollies’ songs really hurt.”

“The dolls are what you’re complaining about? Not the chainsaw wielding maniac?”

“What? Him? He wasn’t a threat. I could easily outrun him.” Nandor’s unbridled confidence had returned. He still cradled Guillermo to his chest as he bragged.

Guillermo’s pulse quickened further despite being out of “harm's” way. His master was holding him like a bride about to be carried over the threshold. Maybe if he played up the scared vibe, Nandor would keep trying to pretend to be the hero.

“Well, I’m so glad I had a big, strong, fierce vampire to protect me from those creepy dolls.” Guillermo tried his best to keep the sarcasms at bay.

Nandor sat Guillermo down, obviously not listening to a word the human said. “Why would you even go into a place like that? Do you have a death wish?”

Guillermo just let out a short “Ha” at that question.

After that ordeal, Guillermo was pretty much done with this night off. 

“Let’s just go back home, huh?”

“Yes, that is a very good idea. The first good idea you've had all night.”

Guillermo felt his eye twitch as they made their way toward the exit.

He and Nandor caught the bus home, the ride back just as uneventful as the ride there had been.

Once home, they spent their evening in routine contentment: Nandor reading from some old tome in his room, Guillermo watching episodes of Shark Tank on his phone in his. 

And eating snacks. 

Real snacks this time.

Brand name even.

When dawn made it’s eminent approach, he helped his master to prep for coffin. He dressed him down to his night clothes, brushed his hair, oiled it and his beard and finally helped him into his resting place.

Guillermo gazed down at Nandor and his master looked up at him.

Nandor frowned, “Guillermo,” he began, “why are you looking at me like that?”

A smirk grew on Guillermo’s face. “Oh nothing, Master.”

“I don’t like you to be having a secret from me. Again.” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked away.

“I have no secrets from you,” he said, his gaze steely. “Night, night, Master.” He made to close the coffin lid.

“Guillermo,” he said as he caught the lid. “would you mind sleeping in here tonight? I need to protect you in case the Chainsaw Man followed us home. We never killed him so he could still be out there.”

“Sure, Master, whatever makes you happy.”

“It’s not about being happy, it’s about protecting you.”

Guillermo just decided to let that slide. He went to change for bed and grabbed some pillows and blankets. When he came back Nandor was already dead to the world relatively speaking.

The only change in the room was the chaise lounge. It had been pulled up right next to his master’s coffin.

Guillermo wasn’t sure he’d be able to sleep tonight and not because of some imminent threat from a chainsaw wielding maniac, a strange doll, or any other creature inhabiting a haunted house.

He closed Nandor’s coffin lid and then curled up on the chaise, a smile beaming on his face the whole night and into the morning light.

**Author's Note:**

> I live for comments and kudos.


End file.
